Last year while walking through a local mall, I noticed enormous signs displayed throughout an upscale retail store that read “You Just Can’t Live Without…”. At first, it made me smile to myself because at times throughout my life I, too, have described my desire for the latest and greatest fashion item that very same way. But then, after giving it a brief thought, I considered the number of clients that I treat who suffer from compulsive shopping addiction, and began to resent the not-so-subtle, and manipulative, marketing slogan. In fact, I no longer viewed it, and other such statements, as innocuous invitations to purchase endless amounts of (unnecessary) stuff, but rather, as the ‘dealer’ behind a deadly addiction to shopping.
One of the main problems with shopping addiction is that it’s so utterly supported and encouraged by society, and, of course, considerably more so than are addictions to tobacco, alcohol, drugs, sex, and food. The term “shopaholic” has become a part of our cultural vernacular that is often said with accompanying shy, but guilty, smiles and giggles, and typically with a sense of shared understanding among those to whom one may be sharing about their latest retail escapade. In fact, as you probably already know, there’s a popular series about the fun and exciting life of a female lead character who is a self-identified shopaholic, and who seems to love every expensive minute of it. Worse, the series continues by adding “mini” shopoholics to the mix. Yes, no surprise, there exist increasingly younger versions of the addicted adult. (We need to remind ourselves that our children are continually watching us, and they learn exceptionally well.) So, according to books like these, and endless marketing slogans, shopping promises us all lots of fun, fun, fun…
So why doesn’t a book about the fun and exciting life of a sex or drug addict hit New York’s bestseller list the way these books have? Well, it’s likely that even before reading such a book, most of us would already surmise that that sort of life has little to do with fun and excitement (at least for very long – and certainly not long enough to justify several follow-up books with new and different forms of the sorts of joy-filled and guilty pleasures that the sex or drug addicted protagonist might experience along the way). For, in reality, the downward spiral that any substance abuse addict inevitably rides, is much the same path taken by those who suffer from compulsive shopping. Again, fun and excitement rules the day perhaps for a while, until financial resources tank, marriages collapse, self-esteem is non-existent, and shame and degradation increase to the point where suicide begins to look like a reasonable solution. So, in the end, the original question posed by the marketer begins to sound more like, how much are we willing to pay for what “we can’t live without”? Apparently, a lot.
To be clear, shopping, in and of itself, is not the problem. So how does one determine whether they may be setting the stage for a future problem with, or an addiction to, shopping? Well, in short, if the intent to shop is for the purpose of distracting oneself emotionally (and physically) from real life problems and issues, or to fill an emotional void, then that’s a fairly reliable sign that shopping is being used as a form of ‘retail therapy’, that is, as “the fix” of choice to deal with painful emotions. And, like I said before, it can, and often does, work for a while, and so it’s viewed by the problem shopper a quasi friend to lean on when emotional times get tough. But over time, if shopping becomes a habitual escape plan, then like any other addiction, the consequences begin to add up, as described above and, consequently, not only is the person unable to literally purchase their release from the negative emotions that drove the addiction in the first place, they typically begin to feel out of control, and end up carrying an enormous weight of shame and guilt about what they’ve done.
So what to do? Well, the first step – and the most important step – in any process of recovery from addictive behavior is to admit there’s a problem. Denial, of course, is the hallmark of addiction and, unfortunately, it may take drastic consequences to rip the blinders off. But, once off, and an admission results, then the next most important step is to admit the problem to someone beyond oneself (e.g., a family member, friend, minister, counselor, or to members of a 12-Step program, such as Debtors Anonymous) for the purpose of gaining the support needed to begin addressing the underlying issues that are rooted in the behavior. And, as is the case with any other addiction, with a lot of work and commitment, it’s possible to turn the situation around and find freedom ‘on the other side’. And that’s the sort of freedom that won’t cost you a dime.